2009-02-22

My Answering Machine has a Name -- and a Debt

The random debt collection continues. Recently, I've been getting calls from a machine that go something like this [the names have been changed to protect the nonexistent]:

normal female voice This is an important call for…
deep, robotic voice JAMES WARNER
normal female voice If you are…
deep, robotic voice JAMES WARNER
normal female voice Please press 1 now. If you are not…
deep, robotic voice JAMES WARNER
normal female voice Please press 2 now.

I press 2.

normal female voice If you need some time to get…
deep, robotic voice JAMES WARNER
normal female voice Please press 1 now. If…
deep, robotic voice JAMES WARNER
normal female voice Is not available, please press 2 now.

I press 2, and the normal, female voice tells me how important this call is for (deep, robotic voice) JAMES WARNER, and the call ends. Unfortunately (and, in retrospect, I guess I should've expected such), there was no way to specify that there is no "James Warner" at this number, despite it being a "Warner" residence.

I've been getting a lot of these calls lately, but my answering machine picked up an interesting variant recently. It went like this:

normal male voice This is an important call for…
deep, robotic voice JAMES WARNER
normal male voice If you are not…
deep, robotic voice JAMES WARNER
normal male voice Please hang up now.

My answering machine fails to hang up.

normal male voice By staying on the line, you confirm that you are…
deep, robotic voice JAMES WARNER

The message goes on to offer "James Warner" (the new name for my answering machine) time to get some privacy for this "very important call", and then to tell "James Warner" that this call is to obtain information to collect a debt (surprise), and please call some 1-800 number.

So apparently, my answering machine has now accepted a new name and, by extension, responsibility for a debt. Not that I believe for a second it would hold up in any legal venue.

It'd be almost amusing if my phone wasn't ringing twice a day with these automated calls.

3 comments:

bookladydavina said...

we had much the same problem when we moved out here. we kept getting collection calls for the guy who had had our phone number before us.. we finally got tired and called the collection company that was calling us and informed them that there was no one by that name here, we had no idea who the guy was, etc.. they said they'd update their records, and the calls stopped.. for about a year.. then they started up again and we had to call, again.. we've done that every year so far.. am waiting to see if they're going to pop up again this year or not...

bookladydavina said...

ack!! curse you!!! not 5 minutes after reading and commenting.. the phone rang... it's the exact same call for said nonexistant person!!! NOooooooo

Yakko Warner said...

When we first moved here, we had that problem — collection calls for the previous owner of the phone number. Those stopped, eventually. And at least those were from humans, so we could "attempt" to tell the caller they had the wrong number.

"Is Deborah there?"
"Sorry, there's no Deborah at this residence."
"(condescending) Are you sure?"

But those were calls for someone with a completely different name. These are calls that have the last name right, and they're completely automated, giving me no opportunity to dispute the call.

I'm sure debt collectors have a tough job. They have to call people who owe money and (as already demonstrated by the fact that the debt is in collections) can't or won't pay. I'm sure the people they attempt to contact make up all kinds of excuses and lies to avoid talking to them. If I was halfway sure I had the right phone number, I called and got a "There's no such person here" response, I probably wouldn't believe it, either.

It doesn't change the fact that I'm getting harassed by one or more machines that have the wrong number.